Hoarder

            What isn’t in my purse?  OK…so I get my purse out to start this paper/blog thing and I am completely floored at the amount of crap I have in my purse.  Can we say embarrassing?  Assuming that anyone would even try to figure out who’s mess this belongs too, their first thought would be, This women has got to be a hoarder and one of the most disorganized people in the ENTIRE world!

            Opening my purse, someone might think, Wow…why does this purse have small gathered hole to get into it?  Just for the record, I have hated this purse forever and think it might be time for a new one.  Many, many conclusions would be drawn from this purse.  Many things point to motherhood such as a purple hot wheels car, an orange sprocket looking thing, a purple plastic diamond ring and a binky.  Did I just say binky?  My kids are 2 ½ and  4 ½ and they have been off the binky since they were six months old.  Go figure.  (She must have boys and girls.)

            Neosporin, Band-Aids (yup, she's a mom.)  What a minute...are those starry strips?  There's hand sanitizer and the normal make up you would see in a woman's purse or make up bag but mine is strung all about my purse.  Make-up brushes, black eyeliner, pink lipstick, practically paper white powder (well, we know that this lady has never seen a day of sun in her life), black eye shadow (is she gothic?), chicken poop chap-stick that my mother thought was a hilarious Christmas gift,  a little Conair pink facial hair trimmer (Tee hee, she has whiskers.)

            Headphones, but no I-pod (she might like music), passport, (she travels…what only to Mexico?  Wow.  That is worst passport picture in the whole wide world), gum, a camera with 483 pictures on it since November (this girl might have a problem and I see that  she does have a boy and a girl), and a day-planner with nothing written it.  There are keys, three loose keys and two sets of the same keys, which I have actually been searching a month for (yup, she is a mom.  The #1 mom star key-chain and key chain with a picture of her son playing soccer confirms it), tacks, paper clips, shot records for her kids, and 15 different pictures of her son and daughter (seems like she takes really good care of her kids.)

            Cards strewn about my purse include: Flying J rewards card, Blockbuster, the Disney movie club, Toys-R-Us, Staples, Entertainment, Build-A-Bear, Best Buy, Craftsman Club card (this lady really like reward clubs), a license to foster parent, seven different credit cards (who in the world needs that many credit cards?  And not one expired...why are these just thrown in her purse?  This lady really needs to put them in a wallet.)  Which brings me to my wallet (is it alive?), that is so stuffed full of coupons and receipts that it's actually ripping at the seams.  There is also a vehicle registration certification for a 2001 silver Chevy Impala (totally a mom car). 

            The cards that I actually have in my wallet are: a business card for the Evergreen Sinus Center, a Family Fun Membership card to the Children’s Museum (this lady is really into her family), an USAA membership card for a Kurt Dickson (her husband must be in the military, or was), a church bulletin for last Sunday, two different types of health insurance cards, a student  ID number to Everett Community College, and finally, a driver's license (how could she find that under all that crap?)

            Someone's final conclusion about me based on my purse and wallet would probably be something like: this is an extremely disorganized pale lady who loves her family, her pictures and will likely be a future candidate for that Hoarders show.  I think it's time to clean out my purse....